Our relationships can be a source of great joy and connection – they can also cause our deepest pain and upsets. No matter who you're interacting with – a family member, a friend, a colleague, a romantic partner – there are certain beliefs and behaviors that can wreak havoc on your relationship.

Here are four common causes of relationship damage:

Assumptions - When we make assumptions, we are often projecting our own feelings and beliefs upon the other person. Sometimes we are also judging their reaction or opinion based upon the past, without giving them credit for growing, and without waiting to see what the reality is now. Assumptions often make your partner feel judged, misunderstood and frustrated. Take the time and make the effort to ask questions and talk about your situation openly, so that you can create mutual clarity and understanding.

Expectations - Expectations are similar to assumptions; however they are based more upon the other person's actions than their thoughts. When we have expectations of others, we are holding them hostage to our personal set of rules and perceptions. This hardly encourages – and, in extreme cases, doesn't allow – our partner to be their authentic self. When you have wants and needs, make clear requests, and be willing to accept a “no” if that's the other person's truth.

Withholds - Withholds come in many shapes and sizes. Examples include giving your partner the silent treatment, not offering your partner affectionate words and/or touch, and retreating to your (wo)man cave when you feel overwhelmed or scared. However you choose to withhold, the bottom line is that you are basically absenting yourself from the relationship and denying your partner any chance of resolving the situation and moving forward. Keep in mind that there is a big difference between taking a “time out” and abandoning your partner without warning. Always communicate your need for some space, and, whenever possible, let them know how long you might need before you're ready to re-engage.

Neglect - As John Lennon so eloquently states: "We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it." You need to take the time to fertilize and water your relationships, to make them stronger by pruning away any discord or harmful behaviors. And when times get tough, always remember why you care about this person and all the gifts you've received from your connection with them. Tenderly tend to your relationships, and they will blossom beautifully for years to come.

It is much easier to avoid these four relationship killers when you are centered in your Adult Self. Consistently nurture your Inner Child and be proactive about countering your Ego's ineffective strategies and habits. Doing so will continue to increase your self-awareness and enable you to invest in and deepen your most precious relationships.